A Dichotomy

One of the most trying feelings is being stuck in the dichotomy of waiting and acting. I’ve always strived to be reflective and mindful. I have what some may call an overactive imagination and a highly analytical mind. While it can be a vice and lead to unwarranted worry and anxiety by creating impossible and improbable situations in my head; it also allows me to look at situations from different perspectives. But one part that I’ve constantly struggled with is being able to know when to wait for something, and when to act. To know the difference between staying behind and getting left behind.

I miss the simpler days. The simpler times. When everything wasn't so complex. When there was less worry, and more contentness. Less anxiety and more certainty. Take me back to when doorbells rang more than phones. Take me back to when my biggest worry was nap time getting in the way of play time. There's so much going on, and I don't know what to do. I miss the old times. The good times. But that's the issue of nostalgia. It becomes toxic and pollutes the present. I know I'm not thinking clearly. I'm afraid I've gone mad, but as someone once told me a secret “All the best people are.”

But you see, I have to be honest with myself. I f*cked up. I ruined something that was special to me. And now…